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Dec. 9th, 2007

(no subject)

Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted-- an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy, and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore-- despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free.) Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes.
So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination-- the complete and merciless devaluation of self.

- Elizabeth Gilbert

Apr. 14th, 2007

(no subject)

We were talking
about the space between us all
and people who hide themselves
behind a wall of illusion
never glimpse the truth
then it's far too late
when they pass away

We were talking
about the love we all could share
When we find it
to try our best to hold it there
with our love, with our love
we could save the world
if they only knew

Try to realize it's all within yourself
no one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small
and life flows on within you and without you

We were talking
about the love that's gone so cold
and the people who gain the world
and lose their soul
They don't know, they can't see
Are you one of them

When you've seen beyond yourself
then you may find
peace of mind is waiting there
And the time will come
when you see we're all one
and life flows on within you and without you

Sep. 4th, 2006

i love this

A musician named Sherrie Austin added me as a friend on MySpace and I have yet to listen to her music but I did add her as a friend just because of her profile. I have this posted on my MySpace, but I probably won't forever, so I wanted to put it here, too.


I know teachers were preparing us for Life. At least thats what one teacher said, but I think that their approach was all wrong. All of my nameless, faceless teachers should have said: "We are preparing you for a categorically structured, very specific life; a life that most of you will choose. We are preparing you for the most popular and teachable life available, and consequently the one that happens to be the cornerstone which society is built upon." I basically spent 12 years unknowingly assimilating their version of Life. That's impressive because I wasn't ever and I'm still not impressionable; not to mention, I rarely went to high school. As a matter of fact, 6 months before graduation, some random administrative woman called me down to the office and told me that my attendance record was so bad that if I missed any more days I wouldn't graduate. I never missed another day, and I did graduate. With the exception of that nameless administrative woman, who was just doing her job but changed the course of my life greatly, no one had ever noticed or questioned my absence from school: no teachers, no acquaintances, counselors, or friends.

What really angers me about school is that they never told us about entrepreneurship, preparing for job interviews, buying a car, investing and saving your money, or finding your true passion. I mean, we should all have been making a deliberate choice about who we are and who we want to be! I don't mean that we should haphazardly pick the best option out of the worst; instead we should have been taught how to create options, and how to seek them out if the options presented to us weren't favorable. They also never mentioned how important it is to know what you want, have a plan, enjoy what you do, how being broke sucks, and how to process and maintain relationships of all types. I mean, life is a skill just like everything else. Some people are simply not good at it, and need guidance. Some people don't know what they want, why they are here, how to communicate clearly, or how to make good decisions. It's sad to think some people are never truly happy, and never figure these things out, and the main reason is that they never learned how! But hey, they can do algebra! Ugh!

Life is the hardest and most important subject of them all, yet it's never offered in high school. I couldn't wait for high school to be over so I could become an original person with my own thoughts and ideas. Finally, I could get out of bed when I want, study things of importance to me, eat lunch and go to the washroom without asking permission. I love to write quotes and adages; one of my favorites that I wrote a long time ago is: "living any other way would interfere with my life." That's what school was - an interference with life. Do you think it is a coincidence that school and work are both about 40 hours a week with an hour lunch break? How convenient that our parents are gone for the same amount of time at work, so not only is there a place for us to go while they work, but we get a double dose of what standard reality is - a subconscious/subliminal view of how our lives will inevitably be. It is designed to be interpreted as the best and only way to live. I'm not saying it isn't a good plan. I mean, look around, it does work for millions of people, and that's cool. I am just saying they shouldnt be manipulative and trick you into conventionalism. Anytime you are taught something without being shown all sides, that's a form of manipulation. Whether it is intentional or not, it's still fucked up.

Once I determined that my reality wasn't the cookie cutter version they taught us, I literally had to unlearn what was inculcated into my brain, which sucked. I also had to convince everyone that the path I was choosing was right for me! It's not like they taught us through verbal repetition either, they taught us through the most effective and irreversible way to truly teach someone: teaching through example and action. When that happens, you don't even know it's happening. You just wake up one day and realize that you're confused, and rightfully so, because now you're an adult, making your own decisions, and realizing they are not your own decisions at all! If they were, you wouldn't be confused or questioning yourself.

Nov. 8th, 2005

(no subject)

even after you've long since gotten used to the parameters
they can all change
while you're out one night having a drink with a friend
some big hand may be turning a big dial
switching channels on your dreams
until you find yourself lost in them
and watching your daily life with the sound off

Apr. 3rd, 2005

(no subject)

If you haven't already, you MUST see Sin City... whether you love it or hate it, it's just something you should experience.

December 2007



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